“And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets
are always hidden in the most unlikely places.
Those who don't believe in magic will never find it.” -- Roald Dahl
And so she leaps
Arms open wide
Car windows down
Dreams...words...intentions running through her mind
Butterflies thrumming in her gut....quickening.
On some days, an escape is mandatory.
She seeks space within security
Ease inside of challenge
Bitter with the sweet
And moments of beauty and noticing in the destruction and chaos that inevitably comes.
She craves both gentle and wild.
She believes in what comes next, before it arrives.
She manifests it.
Creating her own path.
Leading the way.
There are missteps and tears and cracking open.
The feeling that she might too broken and bruised and unwanted.
There are days where she does all.the.things
She holds.....so much.
And so she decides to choose....with grace
And she steps into the unknown and she chooses magic.
This week I named my fight. Put it down on paper.
My fight is the struggle between control/planning/being organized and letting life flow/be spontaneous & unplanned. My fight is staying in the present, and not planning what is next.
Short version, I am a do-er who longs to live as more of a be-er.
And there is struggle in that wanting.
I wrote this on Sunday February 8th.
By 5 am on Monday morning February 9th, (also known as snow day number 5455), it was clear that I was very sick.
Fever...chills...aches...intense head pain and nothing was staying in the safe container of my body. It was not being a team player....my body was suddenly in full on revolt mode.
How could this be happening? I had a list full of things to accomplish on my already shortened snow day Monday. There were painters coming to our house to give us an estimate. There was an erroneous errand involving an egg baby swap for a 7th grade sex ed project. How could I just power through?
Every time I got up or moved around, I got sick.
Each time I sent a text or responded to an email, I felt nauseous.
Every time I tried to tell my family members what needed to be done on the 5455th snow day of Maine winter 2014/15, I could not find my words, because I was too exhausted.
I was convinced I was dying. A bit dramatic in illness, I am.
I shed tears and asked for help.
And tossed and turned.
I listened to my family playing in the snow.
I released more that needed releasing.
I let it go.
And at 8pm that evening, I drank a flat ginger ale.
And it was the most delicious thing that ever touched my lips.
And so I surrender.
xo - Kristen
Consider what you need, she asked recently.
And so I wrote it down.
And shared it and visioned it up.
I considered making it more complicated, but space was the response that came from my heart and gut.
Room to breathe.
The option to rest if I want.
To create when I choose.
Or to get in the car and leave, so that I may stretch my legs at the shore.
And to walk until I am no longer sad, angry or exhausted.
To live unscheduled for a few moments or minutes or hours.
An opportunity to just be.
And I feel guilty for wanting more.
And I feel judged for wanting more.
And yet, I know it is what I need. So I ask.....
What happens when I claim what I need or want?
What happens when I say it out loud? To one person? Or to many?
What happens if I step into what I desire and it's even more amazing than I imagined?
For me there was a sign.
An opportunity for what I needed presented itself.
An invitation to receive the gift of space.
So what comes next?