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"If I could go back, I'd coach myself. I'd be the woman who taught me how to stand up, how to want things, how to ask for them. I'd be the woman who says, your mind, your imagination, they are everything. Look how beautiful. You deserve to sit at the table. The radiance falls on all of us." Lidia Yuknavitch I know: That tomorrow is going to be amazing. That after year 17, my forty-first year is my favorite (so far). That I have a choice, even when it appears I do not. That I need to feel all of the feelings. I know: That pain has been my greatest teacher. That love has been my greatest teacher. That I am still really pissed. That I have done immense healing work. That I have so much more to do. I know: That I have both roots and wings. That I crave spacious security. That my need for quiet, thinking time & solace is crucial to my well being. And that I will no longer apologize for what I need. That pedicures make me ridiculously giddy. As do soft fuzzy kittens. And maple syrup in my coffee. And tiny sea urchins. I know: That I am changing {New skin....same soul} That I am shifting in ways that I don't comprehend yet (or perhaps I never will) That I need movement and opportunities for deep, mindful breathing. That once I made peace with my need to take up space in the world, my physical body began to grow smaller. That I long for adventure and travel and the exhale. I know:
That I am ready for more. I know: That I am open and ready to receive. xo Kristen
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For the times when the world felt like it was crumbling all around you. And knowing that familiar sensation of weightlessness and not being able to feel the ground. And for the times that you heard the news that kicked you in the gut and dropped you to your knees. And for the times when you heard similar but different news on other days, months, years that knocked you back into child's pose with tears that you didn't think would ever stop. For the times where you just wanted to crawl under the covers and never come out. For the days that you still woke up and got out of bed, even though you didn't think you could. For the times when you threatened to run away to New Mexico or Hawaii or anywhere else but here, and you were just joking, but kind of not. If someone had handed you a ticket, you would have jumped at the opportunity to leave. For the times when you were awake, but were so numb to your core, that your awake felt like you were sleepwalking. You remember driving the car, but have no idea how you got to your destination. You were just putting one foot in front of the other and kept going through the motions. Because in chaos and crisis, that is what we do. For the days when someone asked you what you were hopeful about, and you couldn't come up with an answer. Because the honest answer was, "I am not hopeful about anything". For all the times you wanted to give up, resist, deny, hate and blame.
For the grievances, and the what-ifs and the rage and the pain. For the full body exhaustion and trauma and not-knowing what is next. And instead, making a conscious decision to rise. #DecideToRise xo Kristen Dear Universe: Thank you for the gifts. For the gifts of surrender & release. For sweatshirts with hashtags. For an amazing swim coach. For all the asking and receiving. For ease and stability and joy. For teenagers ripe with sarcasm and opinions. For memories made on water, in water and around water. For the massage that helped me to release old trauma, and brought me to tears. For the hawk that visited my backyard today right when I needed it. For options. For one-armed hugs. For fresh flowers in a long winter. For manifesting all the magic. For long hot salty baths. For an impromptu tequila date with my love. For all the belly laughter. For in-the-moment iterating. For dreaming and scheming.
For #blessingslikewhoa For those who love texts and those who love emojis. For roots and wings. And for all the secret messages. For all this and more. Thank you for the gifts. xo Kristen |
