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It is not joy that makes us grateful. It is gratitude that makes us joyful - David Rast This is 42: Silver hairs have appeared among the copper near my temples I wrestle with whether or not to pull them out, or let them be. I choose the latter. I imagine myself as a woman of sixty with long silver locks. This is 42: I have surrendered to the unknown. I am calling in grace and wisdom about living within so much mystery. After years of being engulfed in anxiety and what if's, I am secure that we will deal with whatever comes our way with love and gratitude. There is sadness that travels with this surrender. And the sadness makes me unbearably thirsty for joy. Because joy is my birthright. I crave it. I seek it out. I always find the light. This is 42: Gratitude in my practice. I find roots in the sunshine and next to the ocean. I am centered through the scent of the flowers that are in bloom all around my home. I am at peace in my own skin. I am a woman determined to rise. This is 42
I am becoming: The keeper of the light Sacred pause Healer for those who seek Endless exhale Gratitude for days Bathed in hope and faith And so it is xo - Kristen
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Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark. -Rabindranath Tagore- Faith is feeling all the feelings: Today it is a mix of raw, unease, gratitude, love, joy and dread. I trust myself today to feel, cry, release, and keep moving forward. Faith is following my gut and taking photos while at the beach (while blinded the sunshine) and accidentally capturing a seagull in flight. Faith is continuing to ask for, pray, write, speak about what I need in all areas of my life, and letting go of the outcome. Faith is continuing to honor my desires, my wants & my wishes. Faith is going back to the doctor's office, not expecting answers, but as a touchpoint: to document, to monitor, to watch, in case things change or get worse. Faith is our in between spot, a new sandy beach, a picnic, a clipboard and the most magical driftwood houses. Faith is trust and believing in vulnerability. And showing up in my life that way. Faith is knowing that hawk vision is my gift and marking my skin with it. Faith is the ability to see all of the beauty around me. And to have gratitude. (Faith is in my whispers) Faith is knowing that I am perfect in my imperfectness....and exactly where I am supposed to be. Faith is dreaming and scheming. Always. Driving the car. Waiting for the messages. And I knowing that they will come. Because I am hyper-aware, tuned into the energy of others, easily annoyed and seeking out hours of white space. Every year, I forget that I struggle with this transition time, when school gets out and as we get acclimated to our summer "schedule". But here we are. Head in the clouds, while pulling together all of our detailsneedswisheswants. I trust and I am open to receive. I am restless. Fiercely unapologetically restless. Crankypants. Unhappy. Short with those I love. Distractible and disengaged. For sure, I am not operating as my best self. I want to be given the answers about my next work move. I want to be granted permission to feel all the feelings. I want someone else to tell me what to do. But this work is mine. And I am steering the course on this ship. I am noticing.....my discomfort when I don't have the answers. I am noticing.....new edges. I am noticing.....when and how my anxiety peaks. I am noticing.....that I still play old stories about my worth and value. I am noticing....that my clarity comes in waves. I am noticing.....that writing is like my life vest. I am noticing.....that I have even more to offer. What I know is that there is grace in this space. Grace in the unknown. In the discomfort, the stretching, the ambivalence, the questioning. The space of not knowing. This grey space. I am no stranger to challenge, to rising, to surrender. I am here again. Embodying grace. Waiting and ready. For what comes next. |
