Driving the car.
Waiting for the messages.
And I knowing that they will come.
Because I am hyper-aware, tuned into the energy of others, easily annoyed and seeking out hours of white space.
Every year, I forget that I struggle with this transition time, when school gets out and as we get acclimated to our summer "schedule". But here we are.
Head in the clouds, while pulling together all of our detailsneedswisheswants.
I trust and I am open to receive.
I am restless. Fiercely unapologetically restless.
Crankypants. Unhappy. Short with those I love.
Distractible and disengaged. For sure, I am not operating as my best self.
I want to be given the answers about my next work move.
I want to be granted permission to feel all the feelings.
I want someone else to tell me what to do.
But this work is mine. And I am steering the course on this ship.
I am noticing.....my discomfort when I don't have the answers.
I am noticing.....new edges.
I am noticing.....when and how my anxiety peaks.
I am noticing.....that I still play old stories about my worth and value.
I am noticing....that my clarity comes in waves.
I am noticing.....that writing is like my life vest.
I am noticing.....that I have even more to offer.
What I know is that there is grace in this space.
Grace in the unknown.
In the discomfort, the stretching, the ambivalence, the questioning.
The space of not knowing.
This grey space.
I am no stranger to challenge, to rising, to surrender.
I am here again.
Waiting and ready.
For what comes next.