“You are here to remind people that it is OK to be whole. It is OK to shine your light. OK to be unapologetically you. In fact, it’s more than OK, it’s necessary in order to thrive.
But you must go first.”
― Rebecca Campbell
I am Kristen and I am a life in full.
I am mother, wife, daughter.
I am a supporter, writer, creator, guide, advocate.
I am fierce and fragile.
I am tender and tough.
I am both thick skinned and easily bruised.
I am the holder of hurts, the tender of dreams and the nurturer of whispers.
I am in love with life, sitting with the questions and trusting the process.
I am complex, whole, imperfectly perfect and working to hold myself with so much love.
I am in the midst of another transformation. Edge walking, embracing expansion & metamorphosis. I am new skin, same soul. Again.
I am a life in full.
I have returned from an appointment with my art therapist who I have not seen in almost three years. I have emailed her to ask for a tune up and I am glad to hear that she is still in practice.
We create.chat.vent.reframe.process for about two hours. She is proud because I cry so easily now. During this session I am reminded what a good match we are.I return home feeling filled up, grounded and exhausted. She has given me homework. One assignment is to practice being present in my body many times a day. We work on this in person and it's powerful to feel something so simple, make such a huge shift in how I feel. The second assignment is to get angry. In her words "please make time to bust some shit up." And of course, I will.
We have an old rotting picnic table in our backyard that is on it's way to ruins. I go to look for a metal baseball bat in our shed and cannot locate one. [this makes sense because no one here plays baseball.] However, I do find my husband's axe, which makes me quite delighted. Of course...this is even better than a bat! I'll axe the table to smithereens.
And so I do. It's heavier than I expect as I swing it as hard as I can from my shoulder down. As I am chopping, I feel both feet planted firmly in the earth. As I am chopping, I am letting go of words that I have been holding in my brain. As I am chopping, the axe feels like it has become part of me. With the swinging motion, I am letting go. And in this moment in time, I feel like I could do this for hours.
I am embracing destruction and release as part of my process. But I learn quickly that chopping with an axe is hard work. So I leave the rest of the picnic table for another day.
Spring is finally here in Maine.
For the past five days we have had a new animal visitor in our backyard. We live backed up against three acres of woods, so the wildlife here is plentiful, but this visitor is new. She is a female turkey [solo...which is rare for turkeys] who visits one of our bird feeders at dawn and at dusk.
We have named her Gertrude.We wonder why she is solo and create stories about what she is doing when she retreats back into the woods. We imagine she has a nest of babies that she is going home to. Or maybe she's just likes to be alone. She's a bit skittish and that is curious to us. I pay attention to new animals that show up in our yard, so I decide to read up on turkeys.
"The Turkey is a spirit animal closely associated with honoring nature and the Earth. Symbol of abundance, this totem animal encourages us to honor our sources of nourishment, whether they are physical, emotional or spiritual. The turkey reminds us to develop a harmonious relationship with the land and our environment and consider them as foundations to our well-being and sustenance. The Turkey totem is a powerful guide to unlocking the fullness of life and feeling content with what we have instead of accumulating material belongings to seek happiness." - Ted Andrews, Animal Speak
Of course. Contentment, abundance and nourishment. And "unlocking the fullness of life."
Thank you Gertrude for the reminder that I am a life in full.
A life in full was originally posted in May of 2016 in my weekly newsletter - sign up here to receive the newsletter in your inbox on [most] Tuesdays.