Return to Santa Fe

“One day a hummingbird flew in.
It fluttered against the window till I got it down where I could reach it with an open umbrella.
When I had it in my hand it was so small I couldn't believe I had it
but I could feel the intense life--so intense and so tiny.
You were like the hummingbird to me.
And I am rather inclined to feel that you and I know the best part of one 
another without spending much time together.
It is not that I fear the knowing.
It is that I am at this moment willing to let you be what you are to me.
It is beautiful and pure and very intensely alive.” 
― Georgia O'Keeffe

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In 2006, I traveled to Santa Fe, New Mexico for a medical conference. This was a milestone trip, as it was my first time away from my kids (who were six and four years old) and Marc.  

I arrived in New Mexico and found space, solace, and sunshine.  
And at that time in my mom life, I didn't realize how much I needed it.

With this breathing room, I began to remember who I used to be, before I was a wife and mother.  I could feel her presence there with me in the desert.  




And with this space, I walked for miles, under blue skies and next to orange buildings.  Just walked.  And smiled.  And breathed. 
And when I left for home, I knew that one day I would visit again.  

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Two weeks ago, I returned to Santa Fe.  
A longing that I have held since 2006, when I discovered this heart home of mine.
This is my sacred healing space.
Full of messages, guides, and magic.  
Beauty, decay, bones, spirit and blue skies every day.
And again I walked for miles.  Walking meditation with all the tears.  
I was full of joy and sadness and grief and anger.
I just let go.
And fully surrendered.  Something I rarely make space for in everyday life.

And in that open space, I received....
Guidance from the universe.
Healing love and laughter.
A bathtub full of rose petals.
Direction.
Lessons in breathing underwater. 
So many horses and hawks.
And Miracles.