Wednesday September 6th

Back to school.  Tired teenagers.  New teachers.  New building.  Every year is still a work in progress.  

Lobster roll, clam chowder & fried seafood.  Walking the beach to the jetty.  Seeing angel clouds.  

Awake at 3:45 am.  Thoughts of mice and zebrafish and animal models for disease.  Thoughts about all the things I have not done well or right.  Thoughts about how I am behind.  All the thoughts that keep me awake for an hour.

The alarm goes off at 5:45 am.

The cat sleeps by my feet until I wake up in the middle of the night and need to use the bathroom.  He takes this as a sign that he should climb on me, play with the plants in the bedroom and bat the jewelry around.  

I keep forgetting that I have the ingredients to make lentil soup.

Sometimes I just know things.  

Listening to the pain in my left hip.  Wanting to ignore it.  But it keeps calling me back to pay attention.

Fire and rain.

I haven't seen a hummingbird in three days.  They may already be traveling south, as their limited time with us is over for another season.  You never know that it's the last time to see a hummingbird, until they are gone.  

How doctor's appointments and hospital trips with a resourceful and resilient fifteen year old, are vastly different than when she was 1 or 3 or 5 or 8 or 12.   This may sound obvious, but it needs to be acknowledged.  It's not easier at this age.  But transition age care is a beautiful and amazing and sometimes scary thing to witness.  

What happens when we are stuck?  How do we get unstuck?  What does being stuck even mean?

Saying thank you to past me, who imported photos from the years 2007-2011 into shutterfly several years ago.  I needed to find a photo and there it was.  Waiting for me. 

​Going to bed early.  Third night in a row.  Sleep feels like a gigantic gift to myself right now.