What do you need?

I head to bed early because I need rest.
However it's one of those nights where I am unable to shut off my brain. 
It's a night where my body feels full of electricity.  
I am alive, awake, and in process.  Churning and changing. 
I am deeply tuned in to the sounds of the house.  
​This is the point that I wish for earplugs and a sensory deprivation chamber to dull the sounds of heat clicking on, cat shenanigans and the rhythmic pulse and flow of the oxygen machine that is below my bedroom.  
When I finally succumb to sleep, I have dreams that involve destruction, the house catching on fire and of days filled with rage.

​In the morning, after kids are dropped off to school, I sit with my first cup of coffee.  
I text friends to vent about my funk and lack of sleep and they ask "what do you need?"  
It is in that moment that I remember {that I have forgotten} that this is part of my process.  
To feel deeply, to feel raw, to feel vulnerable, to be scared.  
To bump up against jagged edges as I am rapidly expanding.  {Sometimes it feels like faster than the speed of light}.  
To be pissed and irritated and challenged.  
To be cranky about not having ease again.
Or to have the illusion in my head that I don't have ease.  To struggle with myself.
To be replaying ancient stories about worth and ability and what is, or is not, possible.  

As a highly sensitive person I feel all of these feelings and changes deep in my body.  
​I often have to get ugly and rough and angry and edgy to get to my next....and I have selective amnesia that this is a crucial part of my flow. 
My process is to honor what comes up for me in this work.  
My process is to understand that others walk with me in my transformation.
My process is to release the outcome that comes with being open hearted and spacious.

What do I need?
I need empty space and time with nothing scheduled - to be still and quiet.
I need rest under a warm flannel comforter.
I need ease and joy.
I need money to be abundant and flowing freely into our sweet family.
I need to be cared for and supported by all who love me.
I need to dream big, to laugh, to be light.
I need more hugs and in person time with #mywomen
I need to deepen my roots and strengthen my wings.
I need to keep healing.
I need to keep expanding securely and spaciously.
I need major opportunities for destruction and release.

This list is always changing/always shifting.
​This is my flow.
What do you need?

xo
​Kristen